This Domain For Sale. Contact us for more information.

Book Summary: How to Work with Just About Anyone

This article is based on the following book:

"A Three-step Solution For Getting Difficult People To Change"

By Lucy GillPublished by Fireside/ Simon and Schuster 1999

ISBN 0-684-85527-5

206 pages

"I just can't seem to get along with this person!"

Every office has that one difficult person to work with, who affects productivity due to a terrible attitude, chronic tardiness, or simply drives everyone else up the wall. Here is the answer to common problems in conflict management.

Dealing with negative behavior, whether at work or at home, can be solved with three steps:

Get to the heart of the matter.

Determine what problem-solving methods to avoid so you don't perpetuate the conflict.

Choose a different, surprising approach to solve the problem and keep it solved.

Finally, here is your key to some peace and sanity in the workplace, drawn from forty years of research and professional experience in consulting on the prevention and management of nonproductive behavior.

How difficult behavior is reinforced:

People use the same solution that never brings new results. The answer is to try something radically different. Employ atotally new approach and choose your response carefully.

Why we fail to change negative behavior:

We are caught in the web of our own logic.

We don't realize we are doing the same things over and over.

We can't think of anything better to try.

This three-question formula can lead you to a new strategy:

What is the primary problem? Be specific. How exactly does it affect productivity?

What have you been doing about your problem so far? Identify the logic of your favorite solution.

What do you need to do instead? You need to undo what your ineffective solution did.

Attack with a brand new set of weapons.

Focus on the facts. Figure out what the heart of the matter is:

List all the issues affecting you.

Decide which issue or who in particular is bothering you the most.

Encircle the issue or person's name on your list.

Focus on what you circled. List all the things that bother you about this person.

Now pick the problem to work on. If you could only fix one item on the list, and had to live with all the others, what would you choose?

Then with the particular problem chosen, spell out specifically: Who is doing what that presents a problem, to whom, and how is this behavior a problem?

The 4 ways to get bogged down in "whys" and therefore confused by superfluous issues:

Focusing on possible reasons for someone's behavior

Speculating about what the person is up to

Labeling behavior instead of describing it

Worrying about who is right or wrong

Use reverse psychology!

Do something unexpected. Sometimes shock tactics or being brutally honest works.

Encourage the person to keep doing what it is that is irritating behavior. It is strange but encouraging people to continue their irritating behavior gets them to stop it.

Have fun experimenting with your new approaches!

Tell someone not to change what he is doing.

Create consequences or let the natural consequences of his negative behavior occur.

Urge someone to do the annoying actions even more

New Conflict Management Techniques

Do not offer a long list of reasons why someone should change. Simply tell them what needs to be done. The more you rationalize or argue the more they will resist. You will be wasting time and energy.

In the face of constant criticism, silently take note of what is being said, then read the notes back - instead of actively defending each point.

Make statements ("Unless it creates a problem for you, I'm going to do X")

Give a specific compliment to the other party in a conflict. ("I like the way you presented your report - your lineup of facts made it easy to follow") It catches them off-guard and makes him/her less defensive.

Excuse yourself for a minute in the midst of a heated discussion to go to the toilet instead of escalating the argument.

Hold back for thirty minutes instead of rushing to fix a problem for someone else.

Other "happy workplace" tips:

Keep an open mind about why the person behaves in such a manner.

See both sides of the situation, not just yours.

Be very specific when analyzing the problem. Make a mental videotape of the behavior.

Notice when it isn't happening. Understand why. You may have overlooked something you did that didn't result in the other person's annoying behavior.

Find someone with immunity and see how he or she successfully handles the troublesome behavior that you're struggling with.

About The Author

By: Regine P. Azurin and Yvette Pantilla

http://www.bizsum.com/freearticle2.htm

"A Lot Of Great Books....Too Little Time To Read"

Free Book Summaries Of Latest Bestsellers for Busy Executives and Entrepreneurs

Mailto:freearticle@bizsum.com

BusinessSummaries is a BusinessSummaries.com service.

BusinessSummaries.com - Wisdom In A Nutshell

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Careers & Employment Information:

Tales From the Corporate Frontlines: Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
This article relates to the Job Security competency, commonly evaluated in employee satisfaction surveys. After a large scale cut in personnel, this particular group of employees needed some extra support.

Does Your Resume Lack Vision?
You're just getting over the shock of having become unemployed. You know you need to begin a job search, but you may not know the best way to proceed, or where to start.

How to Know if You Are in the Right Career
Ever wonder if you are in the right career? If you are like most people you have. Did you know that 80% of people are currently misemployed? They are either underemployed, not happy with their current position or not fairly compensated for their skill and/or function set.

Tips for Terrific Telephone Interviews
Telephone interviews don't just happen; they are the result of action you have taken. For example, when you are networking and the company representative becomes interested in your skills; when a company representative calls you in response to a résumé you have sent; or when you have previously set up the telephone meeting.

The Top 10 Ways to Manage Your Career
Many people in the last decade have experienced either a layoff or termination in their lives or the lives of somebody they know. While many of these people affected have experienced outplacement-consulting services, some have not and they may be in for a rude awakening - corporations no longer "take care of you".

5 Ways to Drastically Improve Your Resume in 10 Minutes of Less
Follow these quick and easy tips to build yourself a betterresume in under 10 minutes flat.* Use strong, action oriented language that describesspecific skills or accomplishments.

Women Who Quit Work Abrubtly After Childbirth - Are You the Type?
According to statistics one out of every five pregnant women will not return to work. Quitting abruptly after childbirth could wreak havoc on your finances, your career and even your relationship with your partner.

The Not-So-Effective Cover Letter
Here's a newsflash: Cover letters work, plain and simple. This is why I'm intrigued by the fact that a) jobseekers rarely submit them and b) hiring managers seldom read them.

Writing Great Cover Letters
Cover letters are an essential ingredient to your complete résumé package. This is the best opportunity for you to demonstrate your personal character, knowledge of the company and your business writing skills.

How To Write A Résumé
Figure out what you want to do.You can't write an effective résumé if you have no job target.

Employment Law: Unfair Dismissal - Employer Succeeded in Changing Terms of Employment
Good News for Employers wishing to change the terms of employment of employees, however, employers must still take care.In Scott & Co v Richardson [2005], the Dependant, Mr Richardson, who worked for a Scottish firm of debt collectors, refused to accept his new terms of employment which required him to visit defaulting debtors during the evenings.

Hey! - Are You Being Paid What You Are Worth?
Are you being paid what you are worth? Has anybody ever asked you that? Have you ever asked yourself?The answer to this question really hinges on another question: "Do you work for a boss or do you work for yourself?"If you work for a boss the answer must be a resounding NO! You see, you cannot possibly be paid what you are worth because your boss is being paid what you are worth. He or she then pays you at a discounted rate.

The Big Mo : Momentum and the Hiring Process
Momentum as defined by Webster's is: strength or force gained by motion or through the development of events. For our purposes, the interview process is a "development of events".

Confidence Is Critical to YOUR Success....
Make EYE contact when you look at another person. Look at them!! Don't look down at your shoes or away from the other person.

History Reports: When Your Resume Equals, I Did This, I Did This, I Did This
Do these sound familiar?"I worked for?" "My responsibilities were?" "My duties included?"Does a prospective employer care about what you "did for other companies"? Of course they do, but that doesn't mean that's what they really want to know. Conducting a job search is a marketing campaign, moreover, a sales process, not your personal history lesson.

Unlimit Your Life!
Do you have a tendency to think in absolutes?Is everything good or bad, black or white?This type of thinking can severely limit your options. Or worse, prevent you from getting an accurate picture of what'spossible.

To Get Hired or Get Promoted, Attitude Is The Key
When you're looking to get hired or get promoted, what do you think is your most important asset? Your experience? Knowledge? Skill? Talent?While all of those are advantages that will help you achieve your goals, there's one thing that's more important than all of them combined.Your attitude!I attended a board meeting recently.

Analysing Adverts for the Creative Response
The fundamental rule is: if you are going to apply for advertised jobs then only apply for the right ones. Don't waste time by applying for the ones you've no chance of getting; not only is your time lost but your morale will suffer if you keep getting rejections.

What You Should Know About A Medical Billing Specialist
Whether you are a person who is thinking about becoming a medical billing specialist or a company looking for a medical billing specialist, then this article is for you. There are several things that you should be aware of in the medical billing industry and I will walk you through them so that you will have the background information that you need to help you make a decision that will best suit your needs.

Difficult Relationships at Work - Dealing with Workplace Conflict
Difficult Relationships at Work - How to Influence the UncooperativeWe rely on and spend more time with our colleagues than with most other people in our lives: yet we frequently experience conflict at work. This is a problem that is beginning to be recognised, but it is still not being dealt with either effectively or sufficiently.